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Anyone who
wears a turban can relate to the funny, hurtful, sad, curious,
ignorant, rude and often downright bizarre assumptions other
people make about them. At the very least, this “turban talk”
makes for some pretty amusing stories.
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Q. |
"What's under your turban?" |
| A.
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I replied, "My
hair!" and popped it right off to show him. |
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Q. |
"What does the color of your turban mean?" |
| A.
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"My canny
ability to match my clothes!" |
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Q. |
One
day in grade school, I forgot to bring anything for "Show
and Tell." |
| A.
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So I taught the
class how to tie a turban. |
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Q. |
People shouted at me, "Camel jockey! Towel head!" |
| A.
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I told them
"You're way off. It's actually called a turban." |
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Q. |
Someone once asked me if it was difficult to
play golf with a turban. |
| A.
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I told them that my turban helps me to swing
better. |
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Q. |
Someone asked me during the campaign what I
would wear on St.
Patrick's Day. |
| A.
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I said, "A green turban, of course." |
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Q. |
A
police officer pulled me over, took one look at my turban and
asked if I had just taken a shower. |
| A.
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"Yes I did,"
I replied, "Thank you for your concern." |
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Q. |
While
pumping gas, I was asked if I knew Homer Simpson. |
| A.
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"No," I replied,
"But the yellow pages might have him listed." |
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Q. |
Are
you a snake charmer?" someone asked me. |
| A.
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"No," I replied,
"But I like to charm women." |
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Q. |
Someone asked me how I knew the answer to a
test question. |
| A.
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"Turban power!" |
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Q. |
An
interviewer asked if I would remove my hat before we began. |
| A.
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"I'm not wearing
one," I replied, "But thanks for asking." |
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Q. |
"Is
your turban too hot," someone asked me. |
| A.
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"Not really,"
I replied, "I recently put in air conditioning."
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Q. |
In
the military academy, I was asked to report for hair cut inspection
once a week. |
| A.
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I always failed. |
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Q. |
"Where
do you buy turbans?" someone asked me. |
| A.
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I replied, "At
a turban store." |
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Q. |
In
school, the student sitting behind me complained that he couldn't
see over my turban. |
| A.
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So the teacher seated
me in the back of the class. |
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Q. |
When
I tried out for the track team, the coaches told me I couldn't
wear a hat. |
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A.
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I explained
it was a turban, but they still didn't let me participate. |
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Q. |
"Do you swim with your turban?" |
| A.
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"No,"
I replied, "But I hear they're coming out with a waterproof
one soon." |
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Q. |
Playing
in a tournament at a private golf course, I was suddenly asked
to leave. |
| A.
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When I asked why,
they replied, "Because we don't want people with things like
that on their heads playing at this course." |
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Q. |
Someone
once asked me, "Where do you come from?" |
| A.
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I said, "From
Chicago."
They said, No, where did you really come from?"
So I said, "From my mother. Why?" |
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Q. |
During
an interview at the state capitol, I was asked if my turban would
get in the way. |
| A.
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I said, "No,
not really. The ceilings in the capitol are pretty high." |
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Q. |
A young lady came up to me and asked me if I wore a turban because
I was royalty. |
| A.
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I replied,
"Yes I am." |
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Q. |
Once
a bully on the playground knocked off my turban. |
| A.
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I picked it up and
retied my turban.
The same bully came and knocked off my turban again.
This time I knocked him down and then retied my turban. |
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Q. |
I was on a roller coaster and my turban fell off between the rails. |
| A.
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I got off and asked
them to stop the ride so I could pick up my turban. |
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Q. |
I
went to a night club and the bouncer told me I couldn't wear head
gear. |
| A.
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I asked him if he
wanted me to call my lawyer now or later. |
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Q. |
During the Persian Gulf War, a man in a restaurant assumed I was
an Iraqi and knocked off my turban. |
| A.
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I picked it up,
retied it and explained that he was mistaken.
He knocked it off again, so I complained to the manager that there
was a drunken man in his restaurant who didn't seem to understand
English. |
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Q. |
I
was once going through security at the airport and asked to remove
my turban. |
| A.
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I asked them if
they had a mirror so I could retie it. |
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Q. |
My Gym coach told me that I wasn't going to get extra time to
tie my turban after the work out. |
| A.
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I learned to tie
my turban in two minutes. |
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Q. |
Airport security once stopped me and asked
me if I spoke English. |
| A.
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I replied "Yes I do." In English. |
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Q. |
At a
convenience store, a young boy pointed at me and shouted, “Look,
Mommy! A genie!” |
| A.
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The mother scolded her son. I smiled and said,
"I
will give you three wishes if you are good." |
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